Friday, September 3

Heart2Heart: Merdeka (For Myself!)

Many things have happened, some happy, some not so happy, and some very hurtful.

This whole month, we, Malaysians, are celebrating Merdeka. As the word Merdeka arise, many would profess love to our country, our ruler, our leaders and our people. I was left wondering, have i achieved my personal MERDEKA?

Things happened. People change. Nothing is permanently fixed in life. 20years ago, i'm was a kid, made mistakes, but i grew up. 20mins ago, I made a mistake, and i still grew up. People around you changes as well, it's only a matter of changing to which direction, better ones or worse ones?

I've come to realised that no matter how strong i am physically, and mentally, I'm still weak emotionally. The most hurtful words i've heard this week was "Did you know you always offend others?". I was left speechless.

MsXeRoZ on being OFFENSIVE:-

YES. I am a straightforward person. I can be friendly. But i noticed that i cannot be OVER-FRIENDLY with people i just know because i, for one, may offend others. People may think I'm weird. People may think i'm crazy.

Ironically, if a hot chick became over friendly with people, people seem to enjoy the companion of the hot chick. A hot chick is permitted to ask questions like "where do you live?", "what do you work as?", "how many lovers you have?" but not me.

I understand that between a hot chick and an old hen like me there is a very clear, invisible line. There are some things permissible if you look hot. So, instead of feeling offended. I've chosen to MERDEKA myself from this issue.

I stop myself. if asking too many questions to a newly-met person is offensive, then i will reduce my questions. I will not ask where you stay, how you come here, what's your chinese name, where do you live, do you have a girl friend...and the list goes on. I'll leave those to the hot chicks to ask.

Besides talking, body language and gestures can be offensive too. HOW?
1. When you point fingers
2. When you yawn while people is talking to you.
3. When you stare at people when people is talking to you
4. When you deny the statement that people is saying to you
5. When you smile when people is critising you.

I still haven't found a solution to not offend people via the body language/gestures way. So if you have any ideas, please let me know. I need your opinion to reduce the offensive damage that i have done throughout my life.

MsXeRoZ on being DENIAL:-

Being a straightforward person, i don't know how to be sarcastic. When i feel that particular issue is wrong, i voice it out. When i feel that the statement referring to me is wrong, or i have an explanation to it, I will voice it out. Why is it that i cannot disagree one's statement? Even with an explanation?

-I was told that I'm getting fatter and fatter.
One of my friends sms'ed me and tell me to exercise because I'm getting fatter and fatter. I was shock (because it's random), but i agree. I am fat. I'm going to eat more vegetables to counter my problems. But when i tell people, I like the way i am now, they'll say i'm too fat. Sometimes, this leave me so confuse.

- I was told that I am getting bald.
One of my friends also informed me that i'm getting bald. I know. I'm putting some cream on my scalp everyday.

If the things said is true, i would never deny it. i would find excuse, but deep down i know its true. So, how can i be living in denial? But i know sometimes i'll deny without valid reasons, but deep down it hits me!

After all the things that happened, i come to realise that being MYSELF is not enough. I have to be a person, physically, mentally and emotionally like-able.

I cannot ask you to define what kind of person i should be. I can only ask you to accept me. I want to be MERDEKA.

Thanks for listening!


RedButtockz Wern said...


MsXeRoZ Nicole said...

u r still a chick. While I'm being labelled as mother hen, so u wont be offensive. =) no worries

RedButtockz Wern said...

that's so offensive.. its like calling me "budak mentah" *killer stare*

SiMon Har said...

no u r not getting bald lol!

Blur Pei said...

just be the way u are, tat's how everyone is unique =P merdeka!