Wednesday, March 31

What If...

The inability to take control of a certain situation makes us feeling defenseless. That is what exactly I'm facing now. In life, we are all surrounded by question marks, which answers will reveal after we make decisions. What will happen to a person if there's too many questions and decisions can't be made?

I am looking forward to my one week vacation with my friends. What makes this vacation even special is that this is the first time i'll be having holidays overseas, accompanied by people i enjoy being with. (You know who you are)

After graduation, I've seen my friends complaining and suffering in their workplace. I do, have some predicaments at work, i complained, and let the anger evaporate within a week. I guess I must have been one of the luckiest employee in the world, because my boss isn't here to monitor me (I dare not to imagine if he's here in Malaysia- Me or Him will vomit blood). This leads into me, being in a comfort zone, and i sometimes forgotten how hard it would be at work.

When he was studying, i was worried. What would he do, once he graduate. I nag and nag~ we quarreled. He is unique- i can never find other word to describe him. Harsh outside, but sweet inside. I was relief for 1 month after he found his job. Our relationship changed, and he's moving to somewhere nearer to work. This marks the end of my wonderful home days (I always, as in very often go over his place for free dinner). It doesn't matter. I can learn to cook myself (which triggers Ugly Cooking).

Work, is filled with turbulence. He didn't want to share with me, and i didn't want to ask. I'm a very curious person, it is hard for me to suppress my curiosity. Throughout the years we've been together, i had never seen him being angry at anyone. He may throw a series of vulgarities, but he never had the sense of hatred. I wanted to be there for him, but i don't know how and what should i do. I could sense that he is unhappy, he forces himself to hang on to it. Unhappiness at work could be due to 2 reasons- people or the job. He feels happy when he has done or learned something at work. He would call and explain to me the whole process. So, i guess his unhappiness is due to some people at work.

I could never believed that he will face problems with people. (Usually that's my problem). I know him well, if you gave him a task, he will complete it perfectly for you.


What if his boss doesn't approve his leave? What if I have to go on my vacation without him? I can't imagine how he would feel. Imagine if he had to stay back, and called me when I'm in Phuket, and he could listen to the splashing waves at the background.

What if he can't go, and how would i feel?
Can i go in peace? Can i sleep in peace? Will i be happy knowing that he is sad to be left behind.

Arrrggghhh, it's so hard, but i have to be prepared that he might not be going. What to do, if his superior is ___________ (feel in the blanks with your own words). I have to be strong, I have to face this dilemma myself. Even if he's not going, i cannot show my emo'ness, i promise i won't ruin the whole gang's mood. Even if I will celebrate my birthday without him, i must not be sad. I will be happy so that he will be happy that i'm happy.

*Fingers crossed* Hope all my What Ifs can be resolved soon!


TianChad田七 said...

Remember, look at the brightside!! Who know his big boss can give him one week leave ah? =)

Blur Pei said...

we nvr know the future. Advice is easy, but when facing this situation, i believe i'll also in the same dilemma like u.
gal, u got to be strong and be prepared on any consequences ya! think positive too! **smile**

little marccus said...

Cheers there =)

yeekai5 said...

good luck,never give up :)
enjoy ur oversea trip,souvenir for me ya,ngek ngek :p

MsXeRoZ Nicole said...

Reading your comments really cheer me up. I didn't publicise my blogpost, and i was surprise to see close friends responded to it.

After blurting it out yesterday, im feeling much better. No matter what, i will pray hard and even it doesnt happen, i will put all my emo'ness aside and be happy.

I've done my best, God will do the rest

RedButtockz Wern said...


(imagine a bear hug in the pic above)

p/s: i dunno how to draw

MsXeRoZ Nicole said...

@RedButtockz, hey, ur bear macam kena crush by rocks!