Thursday, January 7

I Was Never There..

I wasn't planning to do a blog post today. I sms'ed my ex-secondary schoolmate yesterday and she didnt reply me. So i just called her up and wanna know any updates. And after hanging up the phone, i realised that i was that kind of person..


It was sad..Sad to know that I was never there all along, and i never cared. Perhaps the influence of the KL lifestyle got the better of me. Friends are those Hi and then Bye type. I still love all my old friends, coz they are the one watching me grow. They know me for who i am..Or should i say, they USED to know me?

I was in a Convent school before i shifted to Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Gunung Rapat. Despite my academic achievements, i was placed in the 3rd best class due to the quota and also due to the fact that it is a controlled school and they dont know how i am allowed to enter. SMKGR consists of students from the nearby Malay School and the Chinese Vernacular School. Being a Chinese who does not understand mandarin and cantonese at all, i felt alienated. It took me about 2yrs to get used to the new environment and then finally joined the Chinese group of friends. This is where i get close to Lay Peng, Chai Ling, Eng Teen, Pei Mun, Athalia, Jie Ying, Bhavarita, Lai Yee, Shiau Ting, Sook Wei, and many more.

It was a beautiful secondary school period that i had. Being in a quota restricted school, we are unable to stay in the same class. But all along, i was the ugly duckling amongst the swans. Our friendship barrier was communication problem. And sometimes i dont understand what they are saying at all.

After form 5, i guess im the only one who left for KL. I left the gang of friends, i never call, never email, and totally lost contact of them. Once in a while, i'll look for Pei Mun. I find the old friends, are due to convenience sake. I dont know about them anymore. All i could is join in the laughter, but actually the gap between us is getting wider and wider.

It is until today that i called Pei Mun up.. and she told me she was sick. So sick that she was being hospitalised for some period. And I NEVER KNEW...

It hit me..

HARD


I NEVER KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM ANYMORE...

I only see their FB photos, drop some chicky comments..

I just realised..

Im not only out of the PICTURE..

I'm out of the FRAME already!

Have i lost my identity? What have i become? I cant answer these questions myself.

I dedicate this post to the friends i've neglected for so long..

I Was Never There

It was 11 years ago
When i was really young
Alone, i was very ego
Listening to the English song

I thought English was everything!
Arrogant and mean, that's me
But yet i had no one and nothing
Until you all came and befriend me

I laughed at your english,
You laughed at my chinese,
It is all irony
And yet in maths you let me copy..

Time has passed
and many years gone by
You texted, you telephoned
but i seldom reply

Is it too late to realise?
That a true friendship never come twice
Is it too late to know?
That I was never there for you before..

Sorry..

Get well soon! I dont want anything to happen to you..There's lotsa things for us to share~!

7 comments:

EVo said...

Yeahlor, life is short. but it's never too late to reconcile with frens..personally i lost touch with my old school frens for 15 years already. recently met them n things were awesome again :)

~LiLHypPo's mUMmy~ said...

No lar... you will always be in our hearts... *hugs*

jfook said...

Cheer up girl. :)
I lost my bestie as well. :)

Jack said...

don't be so nostalgic, u made new friends these years! Im sure u don't regret meeting them =)

Jack said...

I am J1 btw

Wo Shi Nicole aka MsXeRoZ said...

Evo yeah, cant wait for CNY. Maybe gotta actively participate in gatherings =)

Agnes Geez..thanks for the encouragement, you gotta keep me updated with things going on there. I always read ur blog one ah..

jfook Sorry to hear that..

j1 Thanks for dropping by! How things are going there at ur end?

Mars Boy said...

Real Fren actually has no gap... we aint gonna meet everyday... coz there is always cross road whr we have to say good bye n continue with our own path... maybe its ten years till our next meeting... but I may never always be there for you ~~~ but you are always in my heart ;-) So my fren till we meet again in just like the old chinese saying ~~~ goodbye is the start of next meeting but no an end.